Why do so many of us feel as though we’ve got to have everything in life, ‘just so’ before we can be truly happy?
How many times have you said to yourself;
When I meet the right person I’ll be happy and content.
When I lose weight I’ll feel more confident.
When we’ve paid off that loan I’ll feel happier and be better off.
If we lived in a bigger house we’d be much happier.
If I had a better job life would be so much easier.
If we could afford to do that thing I’ll feel so much happier.
The list is endless isn’t it?! Fill in the blanks for you and your life;
If I ……. I’d feel so much …………………..
When I ……. I’ll feel so much more …….
It’s so true isn’t it?! We can tell ourselves that once we’ve achieved the next thing; bought the bigger house, got that new job, had another child or gone into a better relationship that we’ll be happier but, we all know that this isn’t true. But, when we’re in that moment in time it’s hard to see it isn’t it?!
I work with clients who feel like they have to have ‘all their ducks in row’ before they can be happy. They can’t relax on a weekend until all the housework is done, the clothes are washed and the ironing is done and put away, I know because I used to be like that.
Yes, the housework needs to be done and yes the bills need to be paid but, why do we seem to put everything on hold until we achieve this? I attended a training seminar recently and the trainer Ali Campbell talked about this topic and the way in which he explained the following completely resonated with me. He said, it’s almost like we give ourselves permission to feel like crap until we’ve achieved that task or goal in our lives and we can’t relax or enjoy in the moment until it’s done. Both the audience and I could all completely relate to what he was saying because we all knew it was so true, because we all knew we’d done it too.
I used to fall into the ‘when’ and ‘if’ trap often, I used to always be striving for the next thing, the next project, the next house move, the next money goal but, not anymore! Through coaching I realised that life is to be lived and enjoyed. Life is to be lived authentically and the way you live your life is your choice. I have found that in today’s world society can encourage us to lead a materialistic life and encourage us to have that high flying career, be healthy and fit, be handsome or pretty and wear all the best clothes whilst driving around in the flashiest of cars and live in the biggest most trendiest house in the street but, who makes these rules up?!
This type of lifestyle is promoted on television, social media and in the press and many people strive to live the celebrity lifestyle and if that’s their dream and that’s what they aspire to achieve then that’s right for them. However, if it’s not then we shouldn’t be led astray from our own values and beliefs and we should make sure we live life authentically and we live it in our own way.
I’ve realised that I get the most pleasure from the simplest of things like a walk in the park with my family or a game of football in the back garden. This weekend I spent it with my husband and we shared some special times together, dining, drinking cocktails, laughing and having fun and that’s what it’s all about for me now.
A life full of abundance, happiness, positive experiences and treasured memories is what we should all be striving for and that will mean different things to different people. After all, we all know life is precious and shouldn’t be taken for granted, it’s a gift and it should be treasured.
So next time you catch yourself saying, ‘when’ and ‘if’ remember it’s a trap! Remember to take control of your thoughts and design the life you want and make it happen. You only get life so make sure it’s one to remember and one you’re proud of.
I truly feel engaged and fulfilled with the life I lead now and most importantly in the way I view things are so different to the way I used to view my life, the lens has somehow changed. I feel like I’ve woken up part way through my life with fresh eyes and the way I look at everything is so very different to before. In my recent seminar I shared my experiences with my clients and explained that a few years ago through the introduction of coaching I examined the life I was living with a microscope and it dawned on me that the way I was living my life wasn’t the life I always wanted to live, so I took control, changed my mindset and started living the life I wanted.
Nowadays, I surround myself with positive people, those who support me and truly believe in my goals and dreams. I still have dreams and plan on making them a reality but, instead of waiting until I’ve achieved them to feel happy and content I pause daily to remind myself that I need to enjoy this journey too and be grateful for everything I have. I truly feel blessed and lucky to have changed my mindset because it’s changed not only my life but those around me too and now I’m living life the conscious way!