There are times in our lives when we struggle to cope with life’s daily demands and it can sometimes feel like we can’t keep on top of it all. We can feel like there’s an endless list of duties and jobs that need to be done and we can often feel the pressure when we’re trying to be the best version of ourselves.
I know because I’ve suffered, ‘trying to do it all’ myself, I’ve wanted to be the best mum, have a great career, be fit and healthy and be financially savvy too, I wanted it all but, this striving for everything all came from a place of fear and not love.
Having managed teams, individuals and from coaching clients and groups I’ve noticed that many of us, many adults are living with these issues daily and it’s affecting the way we live our lives in such a big way that I wanted to talk about. You see, when I started my coaching journey I thought I was going to be learning how to coach others and I did but, it was so much more than that. I started a journey of self development, self discovery and self actualisation and I learnt all about self esteem and confidence issues, I learnt about identifying dreams and goals and most importantly I saw first hand how to start creating and being the best version of yourself. The personal journey I went on was life changing and at the age of 34 I started reflecting about who I was as a person, what did I believe in and what did I want to stand for.
As part of this I reflected a lot, I looked at my life and what I had achieved but, it was so much more than that, it was a journey of self discovery and when I started digging deeper I found some unearthed issues that I hadn’t dealt with and as a result of that I could see how it had already shaped and affected my life. These things are never easy to talk about but, I have seen first hand how coaching can help with these issues.
I realised that even though I was such an overtly confident person and I truly was, that somehow in the past I’d struggled with some self esteem issues too but, was that even possible? Could someone be confident with self esteem issues? I didn’t think so but, looking back I know now that of course you can. You see, I’ve always been very confident in my ability, I’m a hard worker and have a great work ethic too but, in the past I had these niggling doubts underneath it all and as part of the journey I was beginning to understand why.
I realised that these self esteem issues were deeply embedded and looking back I can honestly say I think they were there all through my teens and perhaps even in my twenties too. But, unearthing all of this was liberating! I could finally see why I’d done some of the things I’d done and why I’d acted in certain ways and just brushed things off even when they’d really hurt me deeply. As young women (and men) we grow up wanting to be accepted; accepted by friends, family, peers and the list goes on but, in order to be accepted we sometimes don’t listen to our gut instinct and as a result of this we put our own needs and wants to the back of the queue. We want to ‘go with the flow’ and don’t dare to dream to be different but, this all comes at a cost and sooner or later it catches up with you.
Having low self esteem issues led me to become a, ‘ ‘people pleaser’ because I was craving for acceptance and just wanted to ‘fit in’ and I didn’t want to be different. I’d had the idea for Aspirational Living years ago but, I didn’t feel like I could do it and I didn’t feel worthy of it and because of this I didn’t tell anyone about my dreams and goals for what felt like such a long time.
Now years later, after exploring my own self esteem issues I have moved on with my life and no longer feel restricted or held back with what I want to achieve and do in my life and now as a Coach I’m ready to share my personal experiences to help others. Confidence and Self Esteem issues are not dirty words and should be talked about as there’s so much support out there to help people overcome them. I was surprised it took me until the age of 34 to start working through my own beliefs however, I’m so pleased that I did because I now feel truly free, happy and I feel blessed with the life I’ve got.
Everything now comes from a place of love, instead of fear. I’ve started really looking after myself because I want to nourish my body with good foods, but I still have treats. I’ve started meditating to nourish my mind and this helps me start the day with positive intentions and I’m exercising too. All of these things have helped me to move into a much more positive space and I’m spending a lot of time planning and really looking at the vision for Aspirational Living and this excites me everyday because it’s my passion and something I want to do for the rest of my life.
I’ve come so far on my own personal journey and I wanted to share this with you all because I’ve learnt that the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. Holding a high opinion of yourself and your capabilities, in a humble way is one of the most important things you can do and it can bring so many benefits to your life and the way you live it.
Life becomes becomes less complicated and more simplistic because you love yourself more and you’re coming from a place of love instead of fear. You’ll feel stronger and wiser too because you’ll be listening and trusting your gut instinct more and you’ll feel happier as a result of this. You won’t feel like the victim anymore because you’ll understand that everything and everyone you have in your life is as a result of the decisions you’ve made.
You’ll feel more deserving and more worthy which in itself is an attractive quality, you’ll be a magnet for positivity and because of this you’ll be less likely to self sabotage and this is liberating! You’ll start to distance yourself from negativity as you’ll no longer want to be around it and you’ll seek out those that make you feel good about yourself. Overall you’ll be a happier person and as a result you’ll feel happier as you’re coming from a place of love!
Here are 10 ways to overcome self esteem and confidence issues;
1.Raise your awareness levels – This is the first place to start, start exploring and understanding what and who makes you happy. What are you passionate about and when do you feel your happiest? Understand what’s holding you back and where this comes from. Then identify ways of overcoming these issues and remind yourself of the positive benefits it will bring to your life.
2. Identify support (if required) – Some people don’t know how to move forward or overcome the issues they have and they may need the support of others. This could be a friend, family member or the help of a professional. Perhaps a therapist, counsellor or coach.
3. Stop the mind chatter – Mind chatter can have such a negative effect on your life without you even knowing it. It can be the voices in your head that tell you, ‘You can’t do that, you’re not worthy of this’ and a number of other things too. It can cloud your judgement and muddy the waters even when you don’t want it to. So raise your awareness levels and start noticing what you notice and stop that inner critic, it’s not serving you in a positive way so let go of these thoughts.
4. Act from a place of ‘love’ and not ‘fear’ – Always act from a place of love and not fear and when you make that shift you’ll see how your life starts to change. Know that everything that has happened so far in your life was meant to happen to get you to the place where you are at now. Going forward you can learn from your experiences and really understand what it takes to live life consciously.
5. Accept & believe in yourself – This is such an important part of of your journey, you need to accept yourself for all that you are and start understanding and creating the best version of yourself. Believing in yourself is such a positive mindset shift and by doing this you will believe that anything is possible.
6. Identify your radiators and distance yourself from your drains – Radiators are those people around you who inspire you, believe in you and want to help you. Identify these people and spend as much time around them as possible. Drains are the people who will bring you down at every opportunity, they are the gossips, the people who put others down too and constantly see the bad in everything. Distance yourself from these people where possible as they may make you feel low and insecure and in time once you make your mindset shift, you won’t want to be around them anyway.
7. Step outside of your comfort zone – If you are not happy doing what you’re doing then have the courage to step outside of your comfort zone and start living the life you dreamed of. Praise yourself when you do so and recognise that you have made steps towards this.
8. Time for yourself – This is one of the most important steps. Give yourself time to relax, whether that’s reading a book, having a hot soak in the bath, meditating, exercising or walking. Whatever it is give yourself permission to have this time to rejuvenate, rebuild, reflect and recharge your batteries. Look after you, this will help with confidence and self esteem issues.
9. Set positive intentions – Start your day with positive intentions and set yourself goals and start taking action to help you move towards this. Praise yourself for doing this and congratulate yourself for being in a more positive frame of mind.
10. Live in the moment – Start being more present in the moment and start enjoying the experience you are having rather than thinking you should be elsewhere doing something else. Being present takes practice, it means being in the here and now and focusing all your attention in that moment and being engaged.
It’s so important to overcome these issues because they can hinder you living the life you want in so many ways. So start exploring and start your journey of self discovery, this is the best journey you’ll ever go on – it’s the best journey I’ve been on and now I’m truly happy ‘living life the conscious way!’
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”