Well today has been one of those days, I’m still exhausted from moving house and this week so far we’ve had James’s 4th birthday, Tom has been off school poorly for 2 days with a viral infection and then I’ve been travelling around the North East with work. I’m exhausted!! Then today when I arrived at the childminders to pick the boys up, James just blatantly refused to put his shoes on. Out of the two boys James is the most strong willed and generally won’t do anything that he doesn’t want to, it could be anything from putting his clothes on, to getting his shoes on, to brushing his teeth, eating his tea – the list goes on!
James is adorable and very cute (like butter wouldn’t melt), and I know I am biased but, he is but, he’s got such a strong won’t back down. So when James refused to put his shoes on I knew the childminder and I would have a battle on our hands. We spent about 10 minutes trying to coerce him into getting his shoes on and fastened and I wouldn’t care, they were only Velcro too but, still he refused. Like other toddlers James is prone to tantrums and in all honesty I blame myself slightly for this as we’ve probably allowed him to get away with the smaller things just to have an easier life. As he’s the younger of the two children, James was always the one whose shoes I would fasten and would often help him with eating his tea and other menial tasks and the only reason for it was because it was quicker more efficient way to get the task done in the timescale provided. Yet, as a result of this I’m sure I’ve ‘made a rod for my own back’ as I’ve allowed him to think that it’s okay for me to do everything for him and now I’m suffering the consequences.
After 10 minutes of trying to get him to get his shoes on and through the tears and tantrums, he finally gave in and got his shoes on. Then he continued to cry all the way to the car and all the way home – as if my week hasn’t been busy enough I’ve now got to contend with a 4 year old child crying! When we arrived home I decided after his behaviour I would put him on the step for time out for 4 minutes as we do use the step now and again when we need to but, as the boys have got older it’s often rare we have to. James proceeded to get off the step approximately 15 times and by this time my patience was wearing thin but, I persisted and eventually he gave in. After the 4 minutes we followed the ‘Super Nanny rules’ and he apologised and we exchanged a cuddle and I explained the importance of why he needed to put his shoes on. Thank goodness that was over – for now anyway!
What a day! Do you ever have a day like this? Where you just want to go back to bed and bury your head in the duvet because you’re so tired trying to juggle everything and be a mum, manager or whatever job you have, cleaner, cook and the list goes on?! I hope so, because then it’s not just me trying to keep on top it all.
Over the years we’ve experienced some tantrums with the boys and when they happen they’re usually in the most embarrassing places and always in front of other people. As a parent I’m always mortified that it’s your child that’s playing up but, as the years pass by I’m less bothered by people’s opinions on the way I parent or if my child has a complete melt down in public, as usually the nicer parents are the ones that say, ‘Oh, don’t worry about that, it’s usually my child that’s having a tantrum’ and for that moment in time you feel like it’s not just you.
Before I had children I often thought that children’s behaviour was a direct reflection of the parenting style but, now I’m a mum myself I am in two minds about the whole thing. Partly I think it’s down to parenting style but, the other part is down to the ‘makeup’ of that child and I see that now more clearly. I have 2 very different children and as they grow these differences become more apparent. Both loving in their own right, both caring in their own way but, their personalities are different and I plan to embrace these changes and get them to do so too.
As a parent we all want a child that has good behaviour but, for me it’s about having good manners, being a caring and kind person and if they’re spirited too well, thats just the way it is – I think it’s healthy for them to push the boundaries, surely that’s a good thing right?! What are your thoughts on this and how do you deal with your child’s’ temper tantrums? Any hints and tips to share with others would be greatly appreciated.
What are your thoughts about this? Do you children can be born spirited or is their behaviour a reflection of their parents discipline? Or both? I’d love to hear your comments;